My Vipassana Experience

I recently completed the Vipassana 10 day course in Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts and wanted to share my experience with those who may be considering it. Before going, I had heard Vipassana described as everything from “a life-changing experience” to “some new age bullshit”. I am quite new to meditation. Beyond yoga classes with some meditative activities and the occasional guided meditation from apps like Calm, Headspace and others, I had not had much understanding of how to create a meditative atmosphere or practice meditation properly. The underlying philosophy of meditation has also been a mystery to me in the past, and I previously wrote it off as “woo woo”, and undeserving of my rational proclivities. Despite this background, I can honestly say that for me, the decision to attend Vipassana was one of the best I have ever made.

The major points of concern I had prior to going were logistical. I had somehow imagined the meditation center as a monastery or sorts, with cold showers, raw food and no beds…particularly since this was a completely donation-based operation. This was not the case at all. The Vipassana Meditation Center in Shelburne Falls, Massachusetts is a beautiful location in the Berkshires. I was on the men's side. We had private rooms with bathrooms for most people, walking trails amidst beautiful natural surroundings, reasonably good vegetarian food and best of all, an extremely passionate group of volunteers. What I realized about 3 days in, however, was that none of this mattered. Vipassana could have been 10 days of gloomy isolation in a dungeon or 10 days of being coddled at Ritz Carlton. It simply did not matter. The focus of this time was almost entirely on the mind, and specifically the mind’s responsiveness to bodily sensations – good or bad. Every day began with a Tibetan gong at 4am. There are one hour guided meditations three times every day. There is also an evening discourse on video by S.N. Goenka who is a very funny and eloquent speaker. For 30 minutes each day, the teacher is also available for questions. While there are small alterations to this schedule on a couple of days, this is essentially the daily timetable.

My overall approach to Vipassana was sincere. In sacrificing 10 days away from work and family, getting maximum benefit from the experience and putting forth an earnest effort was of utmost importance. Scheduling this period is probably the most difficult part for most people but as I learned, the time spent here was extraordinarily valuable. In retrospect I am glad to have taken it seriously.

In terms of sequence, the first 3 days of meditation are designed to help build the faculties necessary to practice the Vipassana meditation technique properly. We were shown how to build a very acute sense of awareness; sensitive to subtle bodily sensations. This allowed me to elevate my perceptiveness to mind and body in the present moment. On day 4, we began “Vipassana Day”. The Vipassana meditation technique is focused completely on body perception. While on the outset is seemed like many other guided meditation techniques I have previously tried, the level of detail with which one goes about observing the body was unique here. An important element of Vipassana practice is called “The Sitting of Strong Determination”. This requires keeping the eyes closed and sit completely still for one hour with absolutely no movement. This means observing every itch, every point of pain or pleasure, and simply not react to it. I won’t lie; this was difficult! As the days passed however, I improved and the benefits of this acute sense of self-awareness became more apparent. By the sixth day, I had developed a routine. Eventually, I found a comfortable seating position and due to an environment that encouraged meditation at all times, was able to focus for 3-5 minutes without interfering thoughts (for me, an achievement). I began noticing some interesting changes in my perception of the world around me.

Forcing myself to be present in the moment and not reacting to interruptions, bodily or environmental, led to three key personal insights. It is important to note that these are only my personal experiences and I obviously make no claim that others will identify with them.

First, a pragmatic understanding of my true self became much clearer. I experienced firsthand a realization of my two selves: the self that thinks and reacts in a rather undisciplined way, and the self that exists in medium of simple, untainted love and compassion. At risk of sounding too esoteric (and because many others have articulated this realization more eloquently), I will distill it to this: My “self” who reacts to the world is not my true self. While I had always known this intellectually, my constantly changing environment and lack of mental discipline had never allowed to actually experience it. I experienced this sensation at Vipassana; and it was much more powerful and all-encompassing than I had ever imagined. This sensation was also fleeting and simultaneously so attractive that I found myself wanting to bring it back. This wanting however, allowed my thinking self to take over and immediately lose it. Because of how powerful and pleasurable this sensation is, it took discipline to simply not react to it at an intellectual level.

Second, I saw that the material world is not all it is cracked up to be. In daily life, I am bombarded with things that appeal to my thinking self. These are all distractions from the true experience of the incredible world around me, and getting lost in such thoughts is an addiction of sorts. During one of the teacher’s question and answer sessions, I asked him how to rid myself of this constant interference from my thinking mind. I explained that the pleasure I derived from thinking about the material desires was greater than the challenging task of maintaining focus on the present moment. It was an incessant psychological battle. The teacher’s response was expected. He told me that this addiction is common to all people (including himself) and overcoming it takes many years of continued commitment to the discipline of meditation. While the euphoria of experiencing the world through the true self was a light at the end of this tunnel, it was nonetheless, a sobering realization and one that made me quite emotional for a couple of days.

Third, I briefly experienced how true love is a one way street. It is giving without expectation of return in its most authentic and sincere form. This was something that again, I knew intellectually but had the opportunity to experience firsthand at Vipassana. I speculate the reason for this is because my true self (the one that isn’t clouded by thoughts) doesn’t know anything but love and compassion for others. Service to others and unconditional giving to others is its raison d'être. It’s kind of stupid in this way. The fact that it can’t rationalize is both frustrating and simultaneously beautiful. Listening to this non-thinking self requires faith in its ability to make good decisions; and enough rationality to determine which decisions it is capable of making and which it simply isn’t equipped for. At this point, I feel that this ability to differentiate between the proper decision-making process for various situations is what wisdom is.

Many of these experiences for me were quite profound. It was amazing to experience them firsthand, but unfortunately they take continued practice and significant time to recreate in daily life. The hassles of daily life limit the type of consistent focus and environment to bring back these sensations. Meditation is like exercise: It takes consistent practice and hard work to realize its benefits. But without deliberate dedication, one will remain victim to the vagaries of life in the modern world. It is important to note that there are no religious elements to the Vipassana meditation technique. There is however, an underlying philosophy that provides the context for its practice. For example, the nightly discourses by S.N. Goenka allude to reincarnation, karma and other Buddhist principles. He also repeatedly mentions that adopting these beliefs is by no means a prerequisite to success in Vipassana.

In conclusion, Vipassana was a powerful and deeply fulfilling experience for me. I have every intention of going back as a student or to serve, and am working to make mediation a part of my daily morning ritual. I hope this account of my experience is helpful for those considering taking the 10 day course, and highly recommend it to those willing to work hard and put in the effort to succeed.

Best Wishes,