Friends

Making friends isn't easy. Some people like to think this is an easy thing to do or you have to "choose" your friends and stay away from the people who are not of your "ilk". This is quite self-centered I think. I don't know about everyone else but its rare that the people I want to associate myself with, happen to be the same people who want to associate themselves with me. The rare occasion in which that does happen is when there is that "click", whatever it is. But I guess both the other person and I realize that we are lucky to have met each other. For me, this is when I make a friend. I admit, there have been times that I want to associate myself with someone because 1.) I want something from them 2.) I respect them and it doesn't bother me that they think I'm just some shmoe off the street (low self esteem) or 3.) They make me feel better about myself because subconsiously, I think I'm better in some way. These are all stupid and selfish thoughts and the people to whom I am associated with, with these thoughts are not my friends. They are simply acquaintences. The beauty of human intuition is that it picks up on these qualities in others and subconsciously, these people most likely realize the limitations of our relationship, and respond accordingly.

Subconsious....what a concept. The gut feeling. They say to always trust it. Some of the greatest businessmen in history have preached the importance of trusting their gut. So what is this gut? Subconsiousness? Is this a product of our environment or genetics? Or possibly an interaction of the two. Can this gut feeling be taught to children at a young age or do people with strong gut reactions have children with strong gut reactions? I'm going to go out on a limb here but I think it has to do with a person's attitude; the outward facing thoughts that a person has towards the outside world. Something like "I want to take as much as I can for myself" (Kenneth Lay), "I want to help as many people as possibe" (Florence Nightingale), or "I want to have as much fun as possible" (Keith Richards). People have different and distinct attitudes and I would imagine that these attitudes are unique to the person who has them. Since teenagers rebel and ultimately become just like their parents (especially if they expressly TRY not to be like them), I am led to question whether attitudes are borne of genetics or childhood environment. So just to be safe lets just say its a result of genetics and environment.

So success in making friends...is this simply a consequence of success in the mixing of two attitudes? If this is true, then theoretically, we can be friends with anyone with a little "attitude adjustment". But if attitude results from genetic/environment interactions, then attitude adjustment is impossible. I guess this is where we draw the line between friends and acquaintences. Those with whom we have genetic factors in common with, are more likely to become friends as opposed to acquaintences. Further, those with whom we have childhood environmental factors in common with are also more likely to be our friends. Societal homogeneity is impossible to escape it seems.

So I went to a suburban public high school in the Boston area and I remember how separated our cafeteria was at lunch. You could see how everyone "chose" their friends. I'll spare you the details but I would imagine anyone who attended a large suburban high school knows what I mean. Regardless, I suspect that making friends necessitates characteristics that run deeper than attitude. If you go deep enough, we are all the same. A very wise lady once told me that if you go deep enough, we are all connected. She said "Its like the islands of Hawaii: just lower the water to see that its all just one big island". Superconsciousness is the term I believe.

Superconsciousness...what a concept. The world population is currently nearing the 7 Billion mark. If you go back a couple of thousand years, it was much smaller than this. We are all related somehow, and it is only time and environmental pressures that separate us. The beauty of the diversity in the United States of America is that people come from all sorts of cultures, ethnicities, religions, and yes, genetics. Since Darwin's Theory of Natural Selection teaches us that biodiversity is a consequence of successful mutations in the face of environmental pressures, it follows that genetic variation can simply be reduced to differences in environment exposed to inescapable lever of time across generations. It follows then, that genetic predispositions are a fascade. They don't exist. The biological fact that there is no genetic basis for race corroborates this theory. Yes, you read that right. Look it up if you want. There is no genetic basis for race.

So lets think about our ability to make friends then. That quiet girl reading her book in the corner of the coffee shop, the hoodlum with oversized clothes strutting down the street, or the accomplished old guy driving a Porsche. There are simply too many kinds of people to mention but their attitudes all result from childhood environmental factors. Their genetics are simply a reflection of their generational environmental factors. And their race is factually meaningless. Are there really any differences between us? I'm going to go out on a limb again and say no.

There is nothing stopping us from being friends except our willingness to reach out, and our willingness to be receptive enough to anothers attempt at reaching out to us.